


bittersweet between my teeth

by leonhart_17



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-26 11:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3849940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonhart_17/pseuds/leonhart_17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla has a nightmare with nearly terrible consequences.  Laura doesn't let her run.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bittersweet between my teeth

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know, y'all. it just happened.

Being a three centuries old vampire, Carmilla Karnstein had more than once woken up to find her mouth filled with blood. At the worst point in her history she'd more than frequently come back to herself in the midst of a feed. When the nightmares were too bad she'd bury her bite in some poor girl's neck, only coming back to awareness once the blood was flowing down her neck, her throat. She'd always been a messy eater, spreading her meal around.

 

Her eyes snapped open in the dark, habitual breathing fast and hard, not sure what had triggered her. She was at Silas, in her room, with Laura.

 

_Laura_.

 

If her heart had been beating it would have stopped.

 

The sheets beneath her hands were sticky and cold and Carmilla tore herself up, leaving bloody streaks on the wall as she lunged for the light switch by the door. The owl lamp snapped on, muted light displaying the scene in their bed with all too much clarity.

 

Laura's skin was pale white, a sharp contrast to the bright red blood spread across her neck, across the sheets, across Carmilla's face. It was in her throat, choking her suddenly.

 

“Laura!” She didn't answer but Carmilla found a faint pulse under her jaw. “Don't you leave me.” Laura's skin was cool against her lips, arms sliding under her girlfriend's limp body and lifting. “I'm so sorry. Hang on.”

 

The fresh blood in her veins made the weight of the unconscious girl in her grasp feel like nothing at all. The irony might actually kill her.

 

If she'd killed Laura, she would tear her own heart out. Literally, not metaphorically. She could live with most of the things she'd done in her long life. She wouldn't live with having killed the girl she loved.

 

The Silas campus naturally had a student health office that stayed open twenty-four hours a day and a decently stocked blood supply. She knew that from experience. The night nurse jumped when Carmilla kicked the front door open with a bare foot. She was still in her pajamas, Laura in hers, and both of them soaked with blood.

 

“She needs O-positive. Right now,” Carmilla ordered brusquely, shouldering her way past the stunned woman at the desk. Laura didn't respond when she lowered her onto the exam table. Carmilla growled when her directive wasn't obeyed with all haste. “Get the blood, now, or I take it from you,” she promised, voice harsh.

 

The poor woman's hands were shaking as she set up the transfusion but after only a minute Laura's skin was regaining its normal healthy hue. Carmilla heaved a sigh of relief, both hands holding one of Laura's. She was helpless to stop herself leaning forward to kiss the hand in her grasp, the side of her face. Laura's neck was blood streaked, the wound still oozing slowly.

 

It was too much, knowing that she'd done this. She put Laura's hand down and stepped back.. She couldn't take it.

 

“Stay with her,” she ordered the nurse, backing away slowly.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“I'll call someone to sit with her. I can't stay,” Carmilla said, staring at Laura's face without blinking.

 

“What happened to her?”

 

Carmilla took an unnecessary deep breath. “I did.” She turned reluctantly. But it wasn't going to happen again. It couldn't. She wouldn't let it.

 

The dorm felt desolate, the blood drying and dark on their sheets. While her phone dialed LaFontaine she pulled the ruined sheets from the bed, thankful that it hadn't soaked through to the mattress. “What's wrong?” was the greeting she got from the other end of the call.

 

“Hello to you too.”

 

“What happened? You never call unless something terrible happens.”

 

“At least I'm not just bursting into your room whenever I want something,” Carmilla grumbled in reply.

 

“So you called at,” they groaned, “two in the morning? What do you need?”

 

“Can you get down to the student health center? Laura's there.”

 

LaFontaine was silent but Carmilla could hear them moving. “What happened? Where are you?”

 

“I happened to her. So I'm not there.”

 

“What? Wha -”

 

“Just go down there and sit with her. She's going to be okay.” Carmilla hung up before they could say more. She was more than capable of handling her own guilt, thanks. If Laura was any less than on her way to recovery by morning then she wouldn't need judgment from the gingers. If she'd done permanent damage to Laura she'd handle her own destruction. No one need help her.

 

Clothes were tossed into an empty duffel carelessly. She'd left a life before, many times. The only thing that mattered was Laura. She hesitated at the desk, the bottom corner of the monitor covered by a snapshot of the two of them, Laura smiling at the camera while she'd looked at her girlfriend as though she were the only thing the world. She took it, sliding it carefully into a hardback that she wedged between layers of clothes.

 

The bag was full and hooked over her shoulder before she really let herself think about what she was doing. She was leaving Laura. It was enough to stop her feet. She'd hurt Laura. She couldn't hurt her again. She was moving again.

 

The night air was crisp and cool, the moon overhead nearly full. Her phone buzzed with a campus extension. She answered, fearing the worst.

 

“What happened? Is she alive?”

 

“Where are you?” Laura groaned, her voice weak. “You left me here?” The relief of hearing her voice almost took Carmilla's knees out from under her. “Carm, where are you?”

 

“I've got to go.” The other end of the call was quiet. “I hurt you, Laura.”

 

“You got help. I'm okay,” insisted Laura, coughing lightly. “Come back.”

 

“LaF is on the way,” Carmilla said instead.

 

“That's nice of them,” Carmilla could hear the smile in her voice and felt an aching knot in her stomach grow, “but I want you please.” There was a rustling. “As long as you're out could you maybe bring me a new shirt?”

 

It was good that she didn't need to breathe because she couldn't through the knot that had risen to close her throat. “I'm -” She had been subverting her mother's plans for decades, doing as much as she could without revealing herself. Laura had taught her to step forward into the light, to be seen. Laura had set her free. She couldn't just leave her with no explanation. “I'm not coming back, Laura.”

 

The silence stretched, taut and fraught with hurt. “Don't you dare leave me, Carmilla,” Laura finally said, her voice sharp. Then she breathed and it sounded like a sob. “Carm – Carmilla. Don't – you don't get to sneak off in the middle of the night because of some accident.”

 

“You didn't trip and fall, cupcake,” Carmilla shot back. “You were asleep and I _drained_ you. I could have killed you!”

 

“You do _not_ get to disappear on me! I forgive you! Do you hear me? For whatever happened, I forgive you.”

 

“You deserve so much better,” sighed Carmilla, her shoulders slumping.

 

Laura scoffed audibly. “And you don't get to tell me what I deserve, you dumb... _vampire_!” She coughed again. “I love you.” Carmilla breathed deep again, struggling with her resolve. “And I forgive you. But I'm mad at you too. And if you make me spend all night trying to find you I will be so furious with you, Carmilla.”

 

“I'm not safe, for you.”

 

“Neither is half the stuff I eat, remember? You don't get to tell me I can't love you.” She took a breath that Carmilla could hear. “And you can't just run off in the middle of the night. If you want to break my heart you come here and say it to my face. That's what I deserve,” she declared, turning the statement around on her girlfriend.

 

Carmilla's bag was dragging the ground and she sighed, closing her eyes and hanging up the phone. Laura was right. She deserved better from her. If she was honest with herself, she wanted to see for herself that Laura was going to be okay. She hiked her bag back up over her shoulder and closed her eyes.

 

Traveling as mist was disconcerting but quick. Safer too, on the Silas campus at night. When she opened her eyes she was outside the door of the student heath exam room. She let her bag slide down to the floor, leaving it prudently outside the room. Nothing would be helped by letting Laura know how close to gone she'd been.

 

She had only just reached for the doorknob when the door fell open, pushed by a weakened Laura on her way out. Carmilla caught her instinctively, both hands under her elbows. “Whoa, hey! You need to rest. Where are you going?”

 

Laura's hand pushed at her shoulder but she was too weak to really put any muscle behind the blow. “I was going to find you. Where did you think I would be going?!” She was trying to stay on her feet but was clinging hard to Carmilla's arms. “Can you take me home?” she asked wearily. “I think we need to talk.” Her gaze was more pointed than her voice and Carmilla shifted her shoulders guiltily.

 

Considering the state of her girlfriend for a quiet moment, Carmilla turned her back and knelt down. “Hang on,” she instructed softly. Arms looped carefully over her shoulders and she slipped her own arms back to hook under Laura's knees, standing up with Laura on her back. Knees squeezed her sides hard when she took a step forward and her rucksack was noticed sitting beside the door.

 

“Grab that,” Laura told her flatly, wrapping her legs around Carmilla's middle so the vampire could free a hand to retrieve her bag. Thankfully she didn't berate her further while they crossed the campus back toward their room, too weak to do much more than rest her head on the back of Carmilla's shoulder.

 

Carmilla was sure she was asleep by the time she got their door open, keeping her voice down as she kicked the bag out of the way and reassured LaFontaine that she had Laura safe and sound back in the dorm. “Yeah, I've got her. I'll make sure she checks in in the morning. Yeah, thanks.”

 

The mattress was still bare but she lacked the hands to do anything about it, turning in circles while she tried to find somewhere soft to deposit her burden.

 

“I can stand up, you know,” Laura said, weary. “What did you do to the bed?”

 

Helping steady her on her feet, Carmilla's eyes were dark. “The bed was covered in your blood after I nearly killed you.” She jerked her head toward the pile of ruined sheets. “I was going to change them.”

 

“But then you packed a bag and left me at the health building,” Laura finished the explanation for her. Carmilla was busying herself with pulling fresh sheets onto the mattress, not looking at her. “Can we talk about what happened?” The look her vampire shot across the room was such intense self-loathing that it made her gasp. “Carm, I know you would never hurt me. Not on purpose. What happened last night?” Carmilla's shoulders hunched but she didn't speak. “I'm okay,” she promised softly. “Just talk to me. Please?”

 

Carmilla couldn't force words out, just kept straightening the bed. She jumped when Laura's hands closed on her arm. She had to catch her when the few steps made Laura lightheaded. “Lay down. Please?” she echoed. Laura just stared her down, not moving. “I'll talk. When you lay down.”

 

Laura led herself be guided down but didn't relinquish her grip on Carmilla's wrist, pulling her to sit beside her. Neither one said anything, Carmilla clearly reluctant to start. Laura pulled the hand in her grasp to her lips. “I love you,” she said simply. “No matter what.” Turning her hand over, she traced a heart inside her palm. “Are you okay?”

 

Laughing bitterly, Carmilla shook her head. “This isn't about me. I'm the one who hurt you.”

 

“Because something happened to you. What was it? A nightmare, a vision? Did I just smell _really_ good and you just couldn't resist?” She smiled at her own joke even as Carmilla's face tightened.

 

“I would never.”

 

“I know that,” Laura promised. “I was kidding.”

 

She was trying to get her to smile and Carmilla knew it. Wanting to appease her, and more than willing to see more smiles on Laura's lips, she leaned into her neck and drew an exaggerated breath. “You don't smell that great, creampuff.” She didn't smell like herself at all to Carmilla's senses, as a matter of fact. Not with someone else's blood in her veins. Laura giggled though and she brushed a kiss above the bandage on her neck. “I had a nightmare. I didn't mean to – I wouldn't -”

 

“I know that,” Laura repeated herself. “Come here.” She pulled gently on her arm but Carmilla resisted, leaning back.

 

“I am _so_ sorry, Laura.”

 

“I know that,” she said again patiently. “I forgive you.” She tugged on her arm again. “Lay down with me. Tell me about the dream.” She had a feeling that Carmilla wouldn't manage to speak _and_ look her in the face. So if it was easier to coax her into stretching out beside her and talking to the ceiling then she'd draw her down to the pillow. “Please.”

 

There was exactly no arguing with her girlfriend's sleepy pouty face and Carmilla crawled up the mattress to flop down beside her. Laura pulled the sheets over them while Carmilla turned onto her back and tucked one arm behind her head. The other Laura pulled around her own shoulders as she cuddled into the vampire's side, snuggling her head into Carmilla's shoulder. She didn't speak though, waiting for Carmilla to break the quiet. Until then, she was perfectly content to stay where she was.

 

Carmilla had some hopes that Laura would succumb to the weakness left behind from blood loss, helping her along with gentle fingers dragging across her shoulders, her back. Laura's breath against her neck was steady but didn't slow down the way it did when she slept.

 

“I used to do things like – what happened last night it was pretty much the way it went for me,” Carmilla finally started speaking. “Before I met Ell, before I was in the coffin, I did anything I wanted. Anything my mother wanted.” Laura slid impossibly closer, her arm warm around her middle. Her head buried into Carmilla's neck. “After I got out I just wanted to screw my mother over, you know. But it wasn't easy. I would have... bad nights.”

 

“Like what happened last night?”

 

Carmilla sighed. “With one major difference.” Her mouth pressed against the top of Laura's head. “I never did those things to someone I love.”

 

“I love you too,” Laura whispered without hesitation. Her slight weight rested more heavily against her side and Carmilla tightened her arm around her.

 

Turning onto her side, Carmilla shimmied down enough to look her straight in the eyes. Laura's arm slid across her waist, angling her body forward to slide her foot between the vampire's calves. Carmilla let her knees part, allowing her to entangle their legs even further. “How are you feeling, cupcake?”

 

“I'm fine.” Laura leaned in to kiss her cheek, pecking her nose, and tilting her mouth in to meet her lips softly. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

 

“I want you to rest,” said Carmilla, soft fingers brushing hair back gently. She needed Laura to be okay.

 

Laura smiled, snuggling her head back into the pillow. “I'm super comfy,” she promised cheerfully.

 

Carmilla rubbed her scalp and Laura's eyes fell closed. She was clearly not bothered by her proximity to an actual bloodsucking fiend. She was entirely vulnerable but didn't care. It could happen again and Laura wouldn't survive a second time. “I was miserable, I'd drink, take someone to bed.” Perhaps brutal honesty would make Laura realize what she'd attached herself to. “Sometimes she wouldn't wake up in the morning.” Laura's eyes opened but focused on Carmilla's neck. “I thought – if you hadn't -”

 

“I'm okay, Carmilla. I'm tougher than I look, you know.” She breathed deep, holding it until she could feel her heart thumping in her chest. She knew Carmilla could hear it. “I know what you're doing. You're not going to scare me away, so stop trying.” She blinked, meeting her eyes solidly. “This isn't even the first time you've bitten me, remember?”

 

“Last time I knew what I was doing!” snapped Carmilla. “You weren't in any danger then. Last night was _not_ the same thing at all, Laura. I could have killed you.”

 

“But you didn't!” Laura argued, sitting up enough to brace her head on one hand. “Whatever made you bite me last night, you also stopped yourself before it was too late. I have faith in you, Carm.” Her girlfriend's gaze dropped. “What do you remember about the dream last night? Anything?”

 

Carmilla sighed, falling back flat on the bed. Laura, feeling the elevation from six inches off the mattress, followed her, resuming her position snuggled into her side. Carmilla wrapped her arms around her again helplessly. She should leave. Laura would be safer without her.

 

“I'm not better off without you, whatever you think,” Laura murmured into her collarbone.

 

“Not with the way you like to get into trouble,” said Carmilla sarcastically.

 

Laura smiled, fingers tightening in her girlfriend's shirt. “Exactly.” She lifted her head momentarily. “Not that I can't take care of myself, or that I need you to protect me,” she clarified. “I like having you around, that's all.”

 

“Oh, of course.” Carmilla cracked a smile. “So you're not scared of me at all? Even though you know better. You know what I am.”

 

Her eyebrows rose. “You love me. That's all I need to know.” One hand covered a yawn and Carmilla felt her smile grow. “Now, I'm very sleepy and,” she leaned up to check the time, “I have class in about three hours, so I would like to go to sleep and I would like you to be here when I wake up.” She leaned over her girlfriend's face. “Am I going to get what I want or am I going to have to skip math to track you down tomorrow?”

 

Carmilla surprised them both by laughing. “I can't promise I won't move to the floor after you fall asleep,” Laura's eyes narrowed, “but I won't leave. Promise.”

 

Apparently satisfied, Laura returned to her place on Carmilla's chest. “I'll accept it.” Her eyes closed, body going limp as she succumbed to her exhaustion.

 

“Hey.” Two fingers guided Laura's head up. Carmilla leaned down slowly, relieved when Laura pressed up to meet her lips. The kiss was soft, slow, and sweet. “Sweet dreams,” she murmured against her mouth.

 

Laura slumped heavily into her again, draping an arm and leg proprietorially across as much of Carmilla as she could cover. Carmilla let out a breath, holding her close. She didn't reach for the light except to push the shade away from them, didn't close her eyes. It wasn't her first sleepless night, wouldn't be the last. Laura would wake up in the morning though. That was all that mattered to her.

 


End file.
